Happy Valentine's Day!!
Today I'm celebrating the day of wuv with... what else?
A BLOGFEST!!
Le rules: Post an excerpt from your work (or another author) no more than 250 words in length. It must include a makeout scene. *fist pump*
Le setup: This scene is from my YA horror, which is STILL in first draft mode. Leila, my main character, is eating an ice cream at a hospital cafeteria (don't ask...). Mike, her crush of a bazillion years (and her BFF's big brother), is with her. He's listening to her vent about a huge problem she's facing, and after seeing her look so defeated, he asks her to dance. Even though there's no music. And Leila hates dancing.
Le scene:
“So? Did you ever want to dance with me?” asked Mike.
You can picture the most important moments of your life before they happen. You can build an image of the setting, the words exchanged, and the best outcome possible. But when the moment arrives, you realize your image could never compete with the real deal.
That’s what opening up to Mike felt like.
“Always.” As soon as it was out, the world’s weight lifted off my shoulders. Sixteen years of secrets… of broken hearts and broken bones… healed in one second.
“And would you like to dance with only me from now on?” asked Mike, then licked those thin lips I craved.
I froze. “Are you… asking me to… be your girlfriend?”
He nodded.
Once again, my image of this moment failed to be as precious--as perfect--as the real deal. I didn’t say anything. Words didn’t carry the same weight as actions.
I stood on my tiptoes, pushing myself up as his thin lips made their way down.
Darkness consumed me as I shut the world from view. The smell of spring rain, the way the sky folds in on itself at dawn, a baby’s laugh--none of those things held a candle to Mike’s kiss. The more his mouth stayed on mine, the more blood pumped down arteries I never knew I had. His skin, brimming with warmth and comfort, made me hate Constantine even more.
This was supposed to be my first kiss. These were the lips I was supposed to savor, tracing every inch of them with my own, for the rest of my life. His touch, so hungry yet careful as he pulled me closer, was the only way a guy should’ve ever laid hands on me.
I never thought kissing and dancing with no music inside a hospital cafeteria could be so amazing.
Leila…
The kiss went on, just as I wanted it to, but that voice…
It wasn’t Mike’s.
There you go!! Thanks to Christina and Stina for holding this super awesome blogfest!
Now I'm off to read the other entries...
Quick reminder: Be sure to come back tomorrow and check out my FAKE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BLOGFEST!! You can sign up here. Hope to see you tomorrow!!
Very nice! It makes me wonder what experience Leila had before -- some other first kiss and some other hands on her that didn't measure up to this.
ReplyDeleteAnd I like the idea of this important moment coming in such an unexpected place and in a way she never expected.
Oh no! What happens next?
ReplyDeleteIt might not have been the first kiss, but at least she finally gets to kiss her dream guy. :D
What a cliffhanger! The emotions of what we hype up things to be and their reality, you capture that really well.
ReplyDeleteArgh! What a place to end!!!! I'm itching to see what happened! This is the only bad thing about blogfests. Nice job!
ReplyDelete~JD
AS Joey would say "WHOA!!!" I like how she says, "Always." And whose voice is it at the end--it's a YA horror? LOVE, girlie!
ReplyDeleteLOVED the way this ended. I'd eagerly keep reading. Funny, I have a YA horror, and my MC's name is Lela! We must be joined at the cerebrum.
ReplyDeleteYou really captured the moment here. Well done. It feels very polished and real. Would love to read more. You're not published yet??? Sacrilege!
ReplyDeleteNice meeting you. :)
Must know what happens next! Lovely kiss though, great emotions. Man, I'm really intrigued. Well done. Nice meeting you
ReplyDeleteAww man! Why did you leave us hanging like that? Great stuff! :)
ReplyDeleteOoh. Spooky. A little Halloween on Valentines Day :)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this scene. I love the tension you've set up between the characters, and I love the end. I'd love to read more!
ReplyDeleteI'm your newest follower.
bethfred.com
Wow. This was just lovely and so intriguing!! That voice at the end...!! Wow!! Well done you - this has passion and tension in just the right teasing doses!! Thanks for sharing! Take care
ReplyDeletex
I liked this! Definitely made me want to find out who was calling her name and what the deal is. Easily slipped into her world! Very nice!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Now I'm itching to know what's happened (and what will happen, darn it. lol). I'm so looking forward to reading this when you've finished it :)
ReplyDeleteI think every girl (or boy, for that matter) who has ever had a crush can relate to the second paragraph, about being able to imagine everything about that first kiss and then the reality being different; I'm glad the kiss lived up to her dreams. And I love when a girl stands on her tiptoes to kiss a boy, it's too cute for words.
ReplyDeleteThe ending definitely has a dark element to it, and I'm curious about the comment she makes about Constantine's hands on her-- it sounds like there was violent involved unless I'm reading too much into it. Something about the connotations of 'laying a hand' on someone. Great scene!
- Sophia.
Whoa, another intriguing offering. Nice combination of potentially creepy aspects with sweet ones.
ReplyDeleteNice.
Wow! That's gripping! I so want to read this to find out whose voice that was, and why they're in a hospital cafeteria in the first place. So much going on in 250 words.
ReplyDeleteYou sure know how to keep everyone on edge! lol I have so many questions I may have to shoot you an email to find out whats going on if my curiosity makes me. :)
ReplyDeleteWHOA! What was that last bit?????????????????????
ReplyDeleteOkay, sorry, for the questionmark craze. But... the cliffhanger!
"You can picture the most important moments of your life before they happen. You can build an image of the setting, the words exchanged, and the best outcome possible. But when the moment arrives, you realize your image could never compete with the real deal."<- I love this. I really related to it.
ReplyDeleteAlso! the rest was excellent. And that ending! I want more lady!!!
A delicious kiss and an untimely interruption - damn! ;)
ReplyDeleteI love the line about how the blood pumped down arteries she never knew she had. I don't know who Constantine is, but I don't like him very much right now either.
ReplyDelete"This was supposed to be my first kiss."-I think a lot of people can relate to this. Love the tension in the ending too.
ReplyDeleteThat was so mean! You totally left me wanting to read more...great scene!
ReplyDeleteEdge of Your Seat Romance
THANK YOU for hating my meanness :D Do you have ANY IDEA how freaked out I was that none of you awesome people would like my snippet??? *wipes sweat from brow*
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, Constantine is a douche :) Can't say why, though. Hopefully, you'll all get to find out someday *crosses fingers*
Time to edit this baby!!